Eurovision 2012:This Means War
by A Kugelschreiber
Summary: All the European countries react when they find out their results in the Eurovision Song Contest. And since they're so competitive, it definitely means war. Crackfic.


**Okay so I just had to write this because I was looking through my track tags on Tumblr (I track a whole bunch of European countries) and I saw all the posts about the Eurovision Song contest since the final was today so I just took that and wrote this fic. Umm sorry for any inaccuracy. I'm American so don't blame me! xD I personally believed that Iceland should have won, but every country did fantastic so I'd like to congratulate all contestants.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. **

May 26th, 2012. One of the most fateful days in history.

Why?

How about we start at the beginning? You may or may not be familiar with a certain… competition… called Eurovision Song contest. This competition happens to be very important in that a song from every country in the EBU (European Broadcasting Union) is entered and each country has to vote for another country's song.

Obviously the song with the most points wins.

But getting the votes is the most dangerous part.

Because it means war.

_**All the finalist countries are situated in a room where a giant screen is situated in the front, displaying the Grand final of the Eurovision Song contest. The results are being announced. **_

"I GOT 25TH PLACE?"screamed a very distraught looking Britain. His green eyes were wide open, much like his jaw, as he stared at the massive screen. "BUT THAT'S NOT BLOODY POSSIBLE! EVEN IRELAND BEAT ME! WHY DID NO ONE VOTE FOR ME?"

Behind him, the hyena-like laugh of France could be heard as he jeered at the extremely frustrated and panicking Britain.

"Sucks to suck Britain!" he teased, tossing his blonde hair back as if he were a supermodel. "I told you your song had no class. It was sooo drab and boring."

"Excuse me? That song was as classy as classy can get. Everyone in Europe is just haters," Britain pushed haughtily. "And you have no right to talk France. I mean, you did only get 22nd place."

France scrunched up his nose in disgust.

"I admit that was a bit of a jab. It was a very sexy song," the blonde man sighed, rubbing his chin. "However, I am not too offended. After all, I did beat you!"

"YOU LITTLE FROG! STOP REMINDING ME!"

France's laughing reply was cut short by a treacherous tackle from the raging Britain and their regular death match ensued, much to no one's surprise.

Next to the fighting duo, a young Italy's face brightened as he saw his score.

"Ve! Germany, look look LOOK!" he exclaimed excitedly, tugging on his friend, Germany's arm.

A groggy looking Germany looked up from his mug of beer, clearly not interested in whatever Italy had to say.

"What is it Italy? Did a pasta commercial come on TV again?" the German asked monotonously.

The small country was much too excited to comment on Germany's jab at pasta commercials.

"Look Germany! I got 9th place! I GOT 9TH PLACE!" Italy yelled, jumping up and down excitedly. "Isn't that wonderful?"

"Yes, I suppose it is. Good job Italy," Germany replied, smiling at his friend's excitement. Inwardly, however, he grimaced with jealousy. Italians were so talented, it wasn't even fair.

"Oh and by the way," Italy squeaked, patting Germany on the back, "You got 8th place. And big brother Spain got 7th!"

"Wh-what?" the blonde stuttered, turning his eyes to the screen and a sense of nationalistic pride ran through him. "Wow, we really did. I guess we are pretty talented after all. Interesting…"

He was then delivered a huge bear hug by the squealing Italy.

"Germany we're like twins! Except not really because you scored higher than me but whatever we're still 8th and 9th YAY!"

And as Italy continued his jabbering about how he and Germany had placed so closely together, another epiphany took place behind them.

A dazed looking Greece with a cat draped over his feathery hair stared at the screen, unconsciously petting the cat atop him.

"Wow," he mumbled quietly, "I got 17th place. Japan will be so proud of me."

The smile that was growing on his face was interrupted by obnoxious laughter next him- just as annoying as France's.

"Not bad, not bad my little Greece," Turkey remarked, stroking his chin. "I guess that skimpy girl in your song really did you well. But it seems that _I _will be the one receiving Japan's respect today."

Greece looked at the Turkish man, his dazed eyes narrowing.

"What do you mean by that?"he lethally threatened.

"Well now Greece, if you look at the TV, you'll see that I seem to have captured _7__th_ place," Turkey pointed out, his tone full of pride and obvious bragging. " And if you're smart, which I highly doubt, you'll know that I, the masterful Turkey, have outranked you. So I shall be the one Japan will be proud of."

The Greek was now lit with silent fire. His eyes blazed with serene flames and his fists clenched.

"Well," he retorted, still seeming calm, "I'll have you know that Japan thinks my song was better."

"Pshh yeah right," Turkey scoffed. "He obviously thinks mine is better. If he were voting, he would have definitely picked mine."

Greece crossed his arms stubbornly.

"Oh yeah? Maybe we should go ask him. Then we'll see whose song is really better. "

"Fine by me," snorted Turkey. "Let's go find him."

As the two bickering countries left to room to search for Japan, Russia and the Baltic States rejoiced as they received their rankings. Latvia had not qualified for the Grand final and sat solemnly as the others' eyes brightened with their results.

"I got 14th!" Lithuania smiled, quite proud of his accomplishment. "We really did well this year."

"Yeah!" Estonia agreed enthusiastically. "We got 6th! How's that for talented?"

"Wow you guys," Latvia muttered, trying to sound happy for his friends, "You all did so well. I'm really happy for both of you. You definitely deserved it."

"I believe so too," Estonia grinned pushing his glasses farther up his nose. "I may have done better than Russia this year!"

The entire time, Russia had been looking towards the fateful screen, his mouth shaped like an "O" and he remained silent until he heard Estonia's remark.

"Actually Estonia," he said smiling, causing the Baltic countries to jump and Estonia began to quiver a bit, "I received 2nd place. See?"

The tall Russian pointed to the screen and Estonia and Lithuania gulped as they saw that indeed Russia had placed 2nd in the entire competition.

"Y-yeah I see that Mr. Russia. You did very well. I'm h-happy for you," Estonia corrected himself.

"I know right! We Russians are so talented," Russia exclaimed happily, clapping his hands together. "Now we can all enjoy a bottle of vodka when we go home."

As Russia celebrated in his oh so Russian way, Estonia and Lithuania wiped the sweat from their brow, thankful he had not doomed them to oblivion for commenting on his ranking.

Latvia, however, couldn't keep his mouth shut like always.

"I honestly don't see how you got 2nd Mr. Russia," he interrupted Russia's happy dance. "I mean, your entry was just a bunch of 80 year old women dressed in traditional Russian clothing. It was a complete joke. I couldn't even understand what they were saying."

Russia turned his purple eyes upon the petite country in front of him, waves of dark energy emanating from him. Lithuania and Estonia each performed a shaky facepalm, grimacing at the bad luck Latvia always brought them.

"What was that you said?" Russia asked, unsuccessful in hiding the threat in his voice.

"N-nothing Mr. Russia, sir. I was just saying how adorable the song was that you performed," the young fellow stuttered, not taking the immense pressure from Russia well.

Watching Latvia trembling under Russia's intense gaze, the Nordic states couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor fellow. They were so glad they weren't anywhere near Russia geographically.

"So guys," Finland started happily, "how did you guys do?"

The merry blond country hadn't qualified for the Grand final, but was certainly happy that his friends Sweden, Denmark, Norway and Iceland had.

Iceland and Norway seemed uninterested in what their standings were however, it was clear from their more-than-usual solemnity that metaphorical dark clouds were hanging over them.

"I think I got 20th," Iceland mumbled quietly, his pale eyes fixed on his pet Puffin as he stroked his head. "I don't really get why though. Our song was really good. I think the rest of Europe is tone deaf. Oh well, at least I beat Denmark."

Norway's silent words were overshadowed by the loud, obnoxious ones spewing from Denmark's mouth.

"I GOT 23RD GUYS! WHOO! I'M NOT IN LAST! HIGH FIVE!"

The Danish man held out his hand for his friends high-five him back with but none of his friends raised their hands except Finland.

"Oh you guys are such party poopers," Denmark pouted and then placed an arm over Norway's shoulder. "So what did you get Norway? Tell me tell me tell me!"

"I received 26th place."

An empathetic silence fell across the Nordic states as they looked at their friend in pity.

"Aw, that's okay Norway. Last place isn't so bad," Finland said, trying to lighten his friend's mood.

"Yeah!" Denmark added. "And there's always next year."

Norway looked up at Denmark with a silent anger.

"You know…" he started lethally, "I would have done better if _someone_ had voted for me."

Denmark gulped, clearly guilty, and frantically tried to get out of his friend's bad side.

"H-hey now! It's not my fault my people didn't want you to win!"

Norway merely looked away, clearly feeling betrayed, and stood up from his seat.

"I think I'm going to go hang out with Britain since he got 25th. France seems to be pestering him."

And with that, Norway made his way to a still fighting France and England, leaving his Nordic friends in a box of doom and gloom.

The ruckus had now peaked throughout the entire room and fights had begun to breakout within every corner. Countries everywhere bickered and bragged and threw punches at the rivals who had beaten them in the competition. It was almost as close to a war without bringing it on the battlefield.

Then someone shouted, "WAIT, WHO GOT FIRST PLACE?"

The question immediately spread a hush throughout the entire room as countries scratched their heads, not knowing the answer to the question. Nobody had the answer for they had spent too much time celebrating their own rankings. As everyone silently looked around the room with murmuring curiosity, a deep monotonous voice answered.

"I got 1st."

Several pairs of eyes landed on the lone, quiet figure of Sweden who towered his Nordic friends physically and metaphorically. His expression hadn't changed a bit as every country looked at him and the Nordic states shook slightly.

"G-good job Sweden!" Finland exclaimed, trying to sound enthusiastic but his trembling got in the way. The rest of the other countries nodded their praise as well, except Russia who eyed Sweden with hungry eyes.

"Congratulations Sweden," he said with his teeth clenched and a dark energy passed between the two massive countries.

"Oh bugger," Britain muttered to France, who he had been trying to strangle before Sweden announced his ranking. "They better not start another Great Northern War. That'll get really messy."

As a dark aura encompassed the entire room, America and China looked on from outside the door and were wrapped in head to toe with confusion.

"Dude, I don't even get this stupid competition," America retorted as the two countries witnessed the European tensions. "It's nothing to get worked up over. Everyone should seriously just watch American Idol or something."

"I know right?" China nodded in agreement. "These European countries are arguing so much over some petty song contest. How childish and immature. Right Japan?"

Japan, who had originally been watching the rest of the countries along with America and China had fled the scene after overhearing Turkey and Greece's argument.

And that, my friends, was the fateful day of May 26th when the final results of the Eurovision Song Contest 2012 were announced.

The End.

**Hope you enjoyed that! You should Review because I like those. **

**Also, I'll probably be updating my other fics in maybe a week. I just have to get through finals so please be patient. Thanks!**


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